


Midnight Conversations

by jakia



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Essek is a workaholic, Fantasy Racism, Friends to Lovers, Lots of kissing, M/M, Secret Relationships, canonverse, rated M for a little spiciness, relationship negotation, there's not a lot of smuttiness so don't expect that but there is a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 14:29:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20565890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakia/pseuds/jakia
Summary: After sleeping with one another, Caleb and Essek negotiate starting a relationship. Fluff.





	Midnight Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired directly by this discussion that Essek might be lonely: https://minathevampireslayer.tumblr.com/post/187556083413/i-get-the-feeling-that-essek-might-be-very-lonely
> 
> This is self-indulgent as fuck, but then again so is most of what I write these days.

Essek woke up first. This wasn’t surprising; elves didn’t need to sleep, barely required rest to begin with, especially when compared to the needs of his sleeping partner. He hadn’t intended on sleeping at all, actually, but last night’s activities had been exhausting in their pleasure, and he had drifted to sleep before he could make a conscious effort to do so.

Caleb was still sleeping soundly. But that wasn’t unexpected, given what Essek knew about humans and their physiological needs. He would have to move quietly and carefully if he wanted to leave the bed without waking him. A more difficult task then it needed to be, really, given the way the human had entangled himself against him. One scrawny pale leg was on top of Essek’s own legs; a surprisingly toned and scarred arm curled over his chest, not really holding him so much as draped loosely like a cloth. On his shoulder rested a wild mane of red-brown curls that had found themselves loosened from the band Caleb usually kept them tied back with; the rest of Caleb’s face was buried on his chest, hooked nose and mouth slightly open, blue eyes peacefully shut. 

He was snoring, and drooling, just a little bit. Essek should not have found that as endearing as he did. The whole image was rather adorable.

That was a dangerous thought. He’d already let his fondness for the wizard override his common sense enough for the evening.

Gingerly, he tried to escape Caleb’s embrace. With a care he normally saved for spycraft, he moved Caleb bit by bit, until the wizard was embracing and drooling on the pillow instead of his shoulder, and Essek could sit up straight.

He should have just left then, but a lingering fondness had made him pause to admire his lover--the curve of his shoulder blade, the collection of darkened spots sprayed across his back like stardust, the lips he’d kissed a darkened pink-- and he couldn’t help but brush a stray curl from Caleb’s face.

It’d been enough to wake him, which was entirely the scenario Essek had been trying to avoid.  _ Stupid _ .

Caleb shifted and groaned, but didn’t open his eyes quite yet. “Going somewhere?” he murmured, his voice sleep-ladled and deep, his accent much thicker than it normally was. A pang of fondness swelled up all the way to Essek’s throat.

“I should go,” he whispered, but he didn’t get up off the bed like he meant to.

Caleb sat up instead, wrapped his arms around his waist and pressing gentle kisses to Essek’s shoulder. “Or you could stay.”

“And do what?” Essek laughed, the scratchiness of the hair on Caleb’s face tickling him slightly. “Watch you sleep? Keep you warm for the night?”

“I wouldn’t complain,” he whispered murmured against his skin, finding a spot on Essek’s neck to bite softly.

He groaned.

He was fucked, just-- _ absolutely _ fucked, his fondness for Caleb overwhelming his senses, and he needed to stop this before he spent the next four hours in bed with Caleb again. 

“I have work,” he said quietly, which was only slightly a lie, more an excuse to leave the embrace than the truth of the matter. There were things he needed to do, yes, but they could wait, technically. But the longer he stayed in Caleb’s embrace, the harder it would be to leave it. “And you should get some sleep.”

Caleb didn’t let him go; instead, one hand moved from his waist to his thigh, fingers lightly tracing senseless patterns against his skin. “I’m used to getting up in the middle of the night for watch,” he explained, his hand not quite touching Essek where he’d like him to. Close, though. Close enough that Essek’s body was trying to betray him with his own interest. “You could stay,” he kissed his shoulder. “I could suck you off,” another kiss. “You could finger me again.”

He groaned as Caleb bit his shoulder, his hand fully on his cock now, stroking him lightly like a feather, more of a tease than a commitment.

“I thought this was supposed to be a one-time thing,” he gasped as Caleb continued to play with his cock, sucking a bruise into his shoulder.

That brought the wizard to pause. He let him go, pulling away slightly. “ _ Oh _ . Is--is that what you wanted? I thought--”

He didn’t finish his sentence; instead, he pulled away from Essek entirely, and Essek  _ hated _ the sudden loss of contact, even though he knew it needed to happen. The room felt cold suddenly without Caleb pressed up next to him. 

“That we could be lovers?” Essek supplied for him, turning so that he could face the red-head in his bed. 

Caleb’s face flushed a most delightful pink color. “Is that such a terrible thought?”

“No,” Essek couldn’t stop himself from leaning over and kissing Caleb, angry at himself for upsetting him, missing the warmth of his body. “No, I--I  _ like  _ you, Caleb.”

It was true, and it was the problem. What began as purely sexual attraction had become genuine interest sparked over time. A shared interest in the arcane had with time turned into friendship, of which Essek had very little experience, mixed with the sexual attraction that had led to this sudden increasing need to  _ be  _ with Caleb, to know him in a way he wasn’t interested in knowing the other members of the Mighty Nein. Physically, yes, but also intellectually and socially.

It was dangerous, to want something so much. 

One kiss became two, became three and then four, Caleb’s arms wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him closer until Essek was laying down again, his body flushed with Caleb’s own.

“I like you, too,” Caleb pulled away from the kissing. “So why would you want this to be a one-time thing?”

Essek laughed gently, a chuckle that came deep from his throat. “You’re handsome, and sweet, and very intelligent, and  _ great  _ in bed,” he kissed him again, a quick peck that came with a loud smack of lips. “I just don’t know that you are worth losing my job over.”

Which was, really, the heart of Essek’s entire dilemma with Caleb. 

“Why would you lose your job?” Caleb asked, confused, sitting up in bed again. Once again the loss of physical contact left Essek cold in his own skin. “We’re allies of the Dynasty.”

“You are a  _ human _ from the  _ Empire _ ,” Essek explained, a bit surprised that Caleb wasn’t putting two and two together. He was smarter than this. “I don’t think the Bright Queen would be pleased to know her  _ Shadowhand _ was being courted by a human, do you?”

Surely he knew. He was human, for the Luxon’s sake, and he’d lived here for months now. He had to know how others treated him, and how they’d treat Essek if they knew how much he cared about him.

Caleb’s face was flushed again. “We’re heroes of the Dynasty! We’ve brought you not one but  _ two  _ of the Beacons! And you think she’d still disapprove of me?”

“Would she  _ personally  _ disapprove? I’m not sure. It’s more about appearances, I’d think,” he frowned looking over at Caleb with a thoughtful expression on his face. “We’re at war. People would talk.”

_ You’re not stupid, _ he wanted to tell Caleb, but he didn’t. Instead, he let Caleb have a moment to think.

The human sat up fully now, his legs crossed on the bed, completely unashamed of his nakedness. He reached out and grabbed Essek’s hands, squeezing them gently, the contact like a bolt of lightning struck to Essek’s heart. “Just because we are together doesn’t mean the Bright Queen has to know. I can keep a secret. Can’t you? Do you mean to tell me the Shadowhand of the Bright Queen can’t keep a relationship a secret?”

He leaned forward and kissed him again, just a soft peck of lips against his own, and Essek frowned into the kiss. “What you are suggesting borders on treasonous.”

Essek had no secrets that the Queen didn’t know. She knew about his legs that didn’t work, that he hid with dunamantic magic; she knew about his deadbeat father and absent mother and uncle who taught him magic he wasn’t supposed to. She knew about the life and name he had abandoned when Den Thelyss offered to adopt him. She knew all of Essek’s secrets: Caleb only knew part of them, and he was the only other person alive that Essek was close to. Telling the Queen secrets was his  _ job _ ; normally he found out everyone else’s secrets and then told them to her. The idea that he might intentionally hide something from her seemed to go against everything he’d spent the last fifty years building. 

“Is it?” Caleb asked, his tone genuine, which was the only reason Essek didn’t blow him off entirely. “You serve your queen admirably, but you are allowed to have a life outside of your job, you know. That includes a relationship. I agree it may need to be a secret, but that doesn’t mean it can’t exist,” he brushed his hand against Essek’s shoulder. “I’m sure even the Bright Queen would agree.”

“I have a life outside of my job!” Essek argued weakly, his face flushed a dark purple. Despite his protests, he knew Caleb had a point; he dedicated much of his time to the betterment of the Dynasty. It didn’t leave much time for much else. Even now, he felt a slight ping of guilt for neglecting his duty for as long as he had to spend time with Caleb.

Caleb’s point still stood, however. It didn’t happen often, but the Bright Queen did occasionally force him to take a day off, telling him that he was wasting his youth away by overworking. It wasn’t unreasonable to think that she might be willing to turn a blind eye to his dealings with Caleb; perhaps she already suspected they were closer than they should be for a ward and a liason. 

His wizard seemed disinclined to argue, choosing instead to kiss him again, a little deeper this time. 

“All I’m saying is, I think your job won’t be in jeopardy so long as we are careful about not making a public nuisance of ourselves,” Caleb explained, a soft smile on his lips. “Besides,” he added, kissing Essek again. “If the Bright Queen is bigoted enough to fire you for dating a human, that just means you’ll just have to come join the Mighty Nein instead.”

Essek snorted, undignified. “Are you serious?”

"Why not?" Caleb laughed. "We like you. We've let people we like a lot less than you into the Nein, I promise." His hands brushed up against Essek's shoulders, caressing the drow carefully. "I'd get you kiss you a lot more often, certainly."

For a moment, he tried to imagine what that would be like. Travelling around with the most chaotic yet entertaining people he knew. Fighting monsters and dragons and Luxon-knew what else. Dealing with Jester for hours at a time. Not having any privacy whatsoever. Running from the law or accidentally becoming pirates or whatever other crazed scenario the Nein found themselves in. 

And yet: having constant and steady companionship. People who cared about him and would watch his back. People who would make him laugh just for fun. Fighting side by side with his brothers and sisters in arms. Being able to kiss Caleb whenever he felt like it. Getting to hang out with Jester for hours at a time. Having control over his own destiny.

There were...perks to what Caleb was suggesting, certainly. 

“I suppose I’ve had worse job offers.” He murmured, and kissed Caleb again, because he could. It wasn't ideal--he would prefer to remain Shadowhand, of course-- but compared to what he was originally thinking, it was an appealing thought. “A secret dalliance, then,” he brushed Caleb’s hair out his face, a mirror of what he had done earlier to wake him up at the start of this conversation. “A relationship.”

There was an unfamiliar and dizzying sense of glee in stomach, one that made him smile despite himself.

He wasn’t the only one; Caleb’s smile was as radiant as the light itself, and it made that vault of glee swell even further. “You’ll stay, then?”

“I suppose I must,” he teased, pushing Caleb gently back onto his back. “My boyfriend seems to need attention.”   
  


_ Boyfriend. _ It sounded so--so  _ juvenile _ , and yet the word had caused Caleb to grab him and shove him onto his back and kiss him so thoroughly that the thought of doing anything else for the next four hour seemed incomprehensible. 


End file.
